


i'll find you in the stars

by Carofine



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I have written so many fix it fics and all of them are the same god damn thing, M/M, Naruto Centric, Not Beta Read, Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Chapter 698 (Naruto), i wrotethis in a day while crying, its another retelling the story but from narutos perspective fic! wow! original, no explicit sex but it's mentioned, not the healthiest relationship but theyre in love so its like. its like, theyre! in! love!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 23:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13469325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carofine/pseuds/Carofine
Summary: Naruto is selfish. He is selfish because he keeps wishing on stars for something he knows he wont get.





	i'll find you in the stars

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, it's Caroline! I wrote this in one day, and I wrote most of it while crying over Narusasu (Yeah it's one of those fics) instead of studying for my midterms. I keep writing fix it fics and they're all so generic but I felt so many emotions writing this that I need to share. Anyways Sasuke and Naruto are in love and the part where Naruto lets Karui and Omoi beat him up makes me so upset. But they're in love. Hgh. 
> 
> JUST SO EVERYONE IS AWARE WHENEVER I WRITE NARUSASU AS ADULTS OR WHATEVER SASUKE'S HAIR IS STILL SPIKEY AND NARUTO'S HAIR IS STILL LONG BECAUSE FFFFFFFUCK THEIR BORUTO DESIGNS k thnx.  
>    
> Not betad so sorry for any errors or bits that make absolutely no sense lol I wrote this in one 24 hour day whilst sobbing. I didn't even really read over it so I hope it's good lol.

It hurts a lot, remembering Sasuke. Sitting on his bed, Naruto wonders if Sasuke hurts thinking of him, if Sasuke stares at the shooting stars and wishes for Naruto the way that Naruto hopes and prays and gives his everything for _him._ It hurts to think that maybe Sasuke is happier away from the village, away from Naruto, away from everything. He's sure that Sasuke didn't want to leave,  but he thought he had to. But sometimes, like tonight, he wonders if maybe he's wrong. If Sasuke is better off far away and he's just being selfish.

He wants Sasuke to stay with him. He knows it. But he wants Sasuke to be happy, wants him to be okay. What if Sasuke is happiest away from him? What if they are best separated, unanchored, free? Naruto didn't want to be free of Sasuke and the hurt that thinking of him caused. It hurt but it was worth it. He would rather hurt forever than forget Sasuke. Would rather die than forget empty eyes that would sometimes, on the rarest of occasions, light up and make Naruto think the stars didn't stand a _chance_ against the glimmer in those greys and blacks. He would be okay with Sasuke never coming back if he thought it would make Sasuke happy. He would accept it. But he would cry, and wish, and hope.

Because he's selfish.

He ties the forehead protector with the gash running through its center around his head as he sits, staring out the window.

There aren't any shooting stars that night.

* * *

During his training with Jiraiya, Naruto sees so much of the world. There's so much out there, so many beautiful things, wonderful people. Naruto feels happy to be alive, seeing the world like this. The village is so small and contained, so restrictive, like shoes 3 sizes too small. As he travels with Jiraiya, Naruto understands just barely, just a tiny bit, why Sasuke left.

It doesn't help the doubt about his decision in his stomach. But he's sure, he's sure that with that creepy snake guy Sasuke is unhappy, is sure that they can help Sasuke kill Itachi, is sure that Sasuke just needs to let himself be okay.

Everywhere he goes, Naruto wonders if Sasuke has been there too.

* * *

Naruto thinks Sasuke hates him. He's certain of it. Sasuke has tried to kill him so many times, was only ever nice to him out of necessity, he _knows_ this. But he can't stop feeling...whatever _this_ is. He wants so badly for Sasuke to miss him, to feel the way he does.

Thinking about Sasuke hurts Naruto. It hurts as if he is being run through with a kunai or a long sword that's worn on the hip of a pale man with a bow tied out of purple rope. He's sure Sasuke hates him, always did, because why would the guy like him? Naruto doesn't deserve Sasuke, he knows. And Sasuke doesn't deserve to have to deal with Naruto, but he deserves to at least be happy. If that happiness means he has to be without Naruto, then Naruto will accept it. He will wrap it around his heart and die with it help close to his chest and in his lungs and his wet eyelashes.

He will accept it but he won't want it. Won't wish for it on a shooting star, won't dream about it. He dreams about Sasuke missing him, about Sasuke hurting and it's such a terrible thing to wish for. But he hopes, just a tiny bit, that Sasuke feels the tiniest bit of Naruto's agony, being separated from him. He misses him. He misses him so much.

Naruto thinks that the best possible way for him to die is by Sasuke's hand.

* * *

"Stop it." Sakura hisses, and Naruto clamps his jaw down. "You need to stop it!" Sakura says it more urgently this time. "He doesn't care about you! He doesn't care about us! He's too far gone. You're...you're-" She's crying and it makes Naruto feel like something is stuck in his throat. "You need to stop going so far for somebody who doesn't care about you!" She says, and her eyes are squeezed shut, her arms on Naruto's shoulders squeezing so so so tightly around his shoulders and his heart and he-

"You can't let some-some random Cloud Nin beat you up to protect somebody who doesn't give a shit about you! _He doesn't care about us anymore, Naruto!_ " Sakura is shaking him and Naruto feels something crawling up his throat but he won't let it out. She's wrong. She has to be wrong. She has to be wrong because he's wished on so many shooting stars for her to be wrong, for Sasuke to care about the village, about _him._

Sakura lets go of Naruto's shoulders and leans down against him, suddenly wrapping her arms around him and shuddering, body wracking itself with tears. Naruto has cried over this so much that all his tears seem to be used up, so he just wraps his arms around her and squeezes back.

"I want him to care but he doesn't." Sakura shakes her head, snot and tears getting onto Naruto's shoulders in the process. "He doesn't! And I can't keep watching you _hurt yourself_ when he doesn't give a shit about-"

"He might." Naruto says. He's wished for it so many times that at some point it became a truth, not a wish. That Sasuke doesn't hate him, not entirely. It's selfish, to not just hope that Sasuke misses him, but to _believe_ that he does.

When a few days later Naruto begs the Raikage to spare Sasuke's life, he can feel Sakura squeezing his shoulders and can feel the tears he's shedding burn scars on his cheeks and on his heart.

* * *

As Naruto yells at Sasuke for being so _stupid (Like hell Sasuke was going to die and it'd be okay! No way he'd cried and wished on all those stars for nothing)_ Naruto can't help but feel a tiny bit smug. Because he was right. This whole time, despite all the times he doubted himself he'd _believed_ , at least a little bit. He'd always believed that Sasuke cared about him, whether Sasuke's care for him was miniscule he'd known. There had been no proof until now this exact second. Naruto could hear Sasuke's words ringing in his ears as if Sakura had just punched him in the face.

_"When I saw you hurt I would...feel pain too."_

Sasuke's words keep playing in his head, and Naruto can't help but look on at Sasuke, seeing the shininess beneath his eyes from tears. Sasuke cares so much he's _crying_ , and Naruto wants nothing more than to sit up and hold Sasuke close and cry with him but his arm _(What's left of it)_ hurts and Naruto doesn't know what he stopped talking and-

"Shut up...You idiot."

Naruto can't help but grin at the familiar nickname. His heart is painfully tight, but it doesn't hurt, somehow. It's tight with happiness. He can hear the words that Sasuke somehow said to him last night.

_“Seeing you...it made me feel happy.”_

Sasuke doesn't hate him.

Naruto thinks he loves Sasuke. Has this entire time.

* * *

It happens one night while Naruto stares at the sky, Sasuke sitting next to him, both of them looking at the stars. Naruto remembers all the times he would stare at the moon, thinking about Sasuke, wishing for Sasuke, missing him. Missing his stupid little smirk and the way he said his name and called him an idiot, missing the rare times he would seem genuinely happy. Naruto remembers all this when a shooting star leaves a trail through the sky and he hears Sasuke's breath hitch. He turns and looking at Sasuke, whose eyes are still focused on the no longer visible trail of the star long fallen, and Naruto thinks to himself that the stars are nothing compared to Sasuke.

To Sasuke being here, with him.

"Make a wish." Naruto says, softly, smiling in an equally soft way. He doesn't know if Sasuke loves him back, if he just cares or if Sasuke also wants to hold him and kiss him and wake up with him and-

It's okay if Sasuke doesn't. Naruto lived so long thinking Sasuke doesn't want that, that even if it breaks his heart, he will live. He will live with Sasuke here, with him.

All this passes through his head as Sasuke continues to stare at the stars.

"What did you wish for?" Sasuke says, finally turning to look into Naruto's eyes and Naruto swears he can entire galaxies, _universes,_ in Sasuke's eyes. They seem less empty nowadays. Just a little bit. Naruto likes to think it's because of _him_ that there's a light flickering in Sasuke's eyes, because fire needs wind to survive, to keep on burning.

Sasuke makes Naruto selfish.

"I don't...I don't know what to wish for." Naruto says, looking at Sasuke, the words tumbling out before he can think them through. He doesn't know what to wish for because-

"-I always used wish for you to come back, so I don't really know what to wish for anymore because you're here now." Naruto turns away, feels his neck growing hot and sees the slight widening of Sasuke's eyes before he turns away. He forces a small smile, trying to play it as a joke and ignore the sudden tangible taste of emotion and a valley in the air, but it feels awkward and fake, and he's so _selfish_.

Naruto does have a wish.

_(He wishes Sasuke loved him back the way he loves him)_

Naruto keeps staring at the sky, and imagines them being grey eyes. He wants so badly for-

"I love you."

Sasuke says the words so fast that Naruto thinks he imagined them, and he whips his head to look at Sasuke, bangs flying into his eyes with the movement.

Sasuke is staring back at him, eyes wide, as if he can't believe the words he's just said himself, and in the faint moonlight Naruto can see Sasuke's cheeks turning red, blood red, because everything is about blood with Sasuke. Sasuke clamps his mouth shut, turns away, and rubs his face with his hands. He looks like he did at the Valley of the End right before he started crying. He looks so vulnerable and Naruto wants to just hold him and kiss him and-

"I love you too." Naruto says, the words leaving his mouth on a soft exhale as if he needs to say the words as much as he needs to breathe. Sasuke turns towards him and he really is crying now, tears pooling in his eyes and his whole expression shell-shocked.

Naruto thinks he looks absolutely beautiful in the moonlight.

Naruto scoots closer to Sasuke, who looks frozen solid, face in the same shocked expression body rigid. Naruto puts his hands on Sasuke's shoulders and Sasuke seems to tense even more, and Naruto doesn't want that, wants Sasuke to relax, to be happy, to-

Naruto leans in slowly until he can feel the warm air leaving Sasuke's mouth on his own, Sasuke closes his mouth and seems to give permission with the stars in his eyes, and Naruto leans forwards so that their noses bump and their lips touch and he is kissing Sasuke.

It's a short kiss, just a little longer than a peck, but in it, Naruto feels everything. Everything. He pulls back, feeling Sasuke seem to relax in his arms and looks into Sasuke's eyes for something, anything.

_(He wants to see the stars.)_

Sasuke looks at him, eyes even wider than before, and from just the tiny kiss Sasuke is panting. His eyes dart around as if he's looking for something and avoiding looking at Naruto, and Naruto realizes that he won't be rewarded for his selfishness. In what world does being self-centered get him what he wants? He was stupid and this will do nothing but hurt him and Sasuke and he pulls back because this was stupid and he opens his mouth to say an apology.

Sasuke smashes his lips against Naruto's.

This kiss lasts much longer, Naruto squeezing Sasuke's slowly relaxing shoulders, Sasuke wrapping his arm around Naruto's neck. They kiss, short kisses that seem to go on and on and blend into one. Naruto feels like he is made of galaxies.

"I missed you so much," Naruto mutters between a kiss, before diving right back in, lips on lips. Their kisses have begun to taste salty at some point, and he can't tell who's crying and who's not. Maybe they both are.

"I missed you." Sasuke breathes against his lips, their noses knocking as they stare at each others lips and into each other's eyes. "I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want to god. It hurt me so much and every day I missed you and I tried so hard to forget you but I just-" Sasuke's tone rises and he becomes increasingly hysteric, and Naruto hates it, hates seeing Sasuke cry.

He leans in and kisses Sasuke's fluttering wet eyelashes, and can feel the tear streaks on his own face. He's sad because Sasuke is sad, because Sasuke is so sorry and he just wants him to be happy, but he is so ecstatic, because Sasuke loves him.

_Sasuke loves him!_

He can't help but grin as he kisses Sasuke again. "You're here now though aren't you?" Naruto mutters against Sasuke's cheek, and Sasuke nods. They sit like that for a bit, Naruto running his hand through Sasuke's hair, Sasuke's hand around Naruto's neck, feeling, looking at each other.

This has been building up for so long, since the war, since they were put on the same team as 12 year olds, since they would make eye contact while Sasuke sat on a dock in the afternoon as Naruto walked home from school. Since Hashirama and Madara died.

Since forever.

As he kisses Sasuke, Naruto feels like a total idiot. An idiot. Because-

"Sometimes I thought you hated me." He says, not letting Sasuke reply before he kisses him again. "I don't know why. I love you. Thank you so much, thank you."

"You idiot." Sasuke says, voice wavering. "I've always loved you. I couldn't stop even when I tried."  

"I know." Naruto said, sighing out a breathless laugh, but it is such a real honest laugh because he is so overwhelmingly happy, like this will never get better than this, like this is everything because it _is._ Sasuke is _everything_. "You're right about that. That I'm an idiot. It was my way of making myself feel bad. My way of wallowing. Deep down I always. I always knew."

How could he ever think that Sasuke hated him?

* * *

Sharing a bed with Sasuke that night feels amazing. Not just the sex, but how in the afterglow Naruto stares at Sasuke, who is tired, soft, and _beautiful._ Naruto's eyes widen suddenly and he sticks out his left arm towards Sasuke, two fingers protruding from an otherwise closed hand. It's the sign of reconciliation.

Sasuke stares at his hands, eyes widening, because he knows what is happening, knows what this means. Naruto grins.

"We've never actually done it, if you think about it."

Sasuke seems to mentally go through all their times together and comes to the conclusion that yes, despite it being such a symbolic thing between them, they've never actually done it, never actually felt each other's fingers in their hands and clasped them together.  Sasuke reaches his right arm out, across the bed, and hooks his two fingers around Naruto's waiting ones.

Sasuke smiles as he does it, and squeezes his eyes shut, a smile on his face again. Naruto thinks he looks so beautiful, like the beauty of the whole entire world is nothing compared to Sasuke.

"I love you." Naruto says, squeezing their fingers together. Sasuke is quiet, tired from the sex and the emotions and the everything.

"Thank you." Is all Sasuke says in response, staring at their linked fingers. His eyes slowly trace up a tan arm until he's looking at Naruto's eyes, and Naruto doesn't think he will ever stop feeling his chest stop beating when Sasuke looks into his eyes. Never.

"Thank you for saving me," Sasuke says. Naruto knows what he means. Because Naruto has saved Sasuke, hasn't he? Because Sasuke is happy now, isn't he?

Naruto thinks that Sasuke might be selfish.

He doesn't think that's bad though. It makes him glad, a little bit. That _he_ is Sasuke's selfish desire.

They fall asleep like that, the seal of reconciliation formed by their hands, legs tangling, noses bumping, in love.

* * *

Waking up in bed with Sasuke never fails to make Naruto's heart feel like it's glowing. Because he won't lie, sometimes he fears that Sasuke will leave again. He knows he won't, but there's a tiny little lying voice in his head that says that Sasuke will. But every day that voice is proven wrong, because every day Sasuke is still there, wrapped up in Naruto's arms, looking beautiful and perfect.

Sometimes Sasuke wakes up from a nightmare and does nothing but apologize, over and over again. Whispering I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry and Naruto kissing his eyelashes and squeezing him tight and saying reassuring words, _It's okay, I know you didn't mean it, it was fucked up, it's not your fault, we were just two messed up kids we did stupid stuff, I love you._

Other times Naruto is the one who wakes up, and he tries to conceal his choked sobs but he can't stop them and they always wake Sasuke up until Sasuke holds him tightly and promises he will never leave, can't leave. Never wanted to leave and never will again, _I love you, I'm here, I'm staying, I'm safe and alive and I love you._

Sometimes they just kiss softly, running hands over each other's bodies like the other will break if they press too hard, and they have loving sex. Sometimes Naruto tickles Sasuke and Sasuke giggles as he tries to kick Naruto in the stomach. Sometimes they just sit together, arms wrapped around each other.

Sasuke smiles a lot more now. Naruto knows it's because of him, and he's selfish so that makes him happy.

For the first time in his life, Naruto thinks he's happy, completely, entirely, and it's all because Sasuke is happy.

"You make me so happy, Sas." Naruto says that night, and Sasuke raises an eyebrow and smirks.

"Thanks. You're bearable I guess." Sasuke says and Naruto lets out a squawk of indignance that Sasuke laughs at, and they kiss again.

It hurts Naruto sometimes, when Sasuke has his bad spells, and Naruto doesn't blame him, thinks Sasuke has every right to cry and lash out. He knows Sasuke will never be completely and totally okay, and Naruto will never be that either. But it's okay, because every time Sasuke smiles or laughs or says "I love you," Naruto feels so ce happy and he grins until his cheeks literally hurt. He wraps an arm around Sasuke and kisses the top of black hair.

"I love you too." Is the response he gets. As Naruto falls asleep, he has one final thought.

He thinks that he's glad he was selfish.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and a review if you liked this! Or read my other stuff. Or both. Thank you for reading this!


End file.
